I wish I knew where this is coming from

You know, I realized that I have been getting gaslighted recently and today once again I am being told that I did something that seems completely out of character for me. At some point last year, I loaned a Star Trek TOS phaser replica to a friend for a bit of cosplay. I do not recall when I lost track of the phaser, but Jen apparently found it while she was enthusiastally packing up my stuff while I was in the hospital. Great and all that. So when she tells me she found it, she smugly tells me I shouldn't have accused my friend of losing it. I do not remember doing this. I don't even remember talking to her about it, but it seems to me I would have asked to verify that it had been given back to me or to ask if she could verify that she did not have it. I am aware of my failings enough to think that I might have misplaced it. 

To make matters worse Jen says the friend remembers it this way too. I have not confirmed this with her, but my main issue is why did this even have to come up? 

It seems like I need to be the villain in Jen's eyes, no matter what. I would love to know where this apparent hatred came from.

ok, the woman is going round the bend

So, I apparently took an extra colander when I moved some stuff this week. This caused a freakout. Never mind that it was bought with my money or that it was sitting in a box that was supposedly filled with my stuff or that there is her original one sitting on top of the cabinets in the kitchen. Nope, I am clearly trying to rip her off and taking all the stuff that was bought with communal money. 

Ignoring the fact that it was not bought with communal money, it's a fucking colander. This is a reason to freak out and declare that I am functionally stealing from her? Wow. This women has lost her shit and I'm thinking that getting out of this is the best thing that could have happened to me. Still not happy to be alone at this point in my life, but I am pretty sure being with her these days would be worse.

One last relationship fuck you from Jen

 OK, so today I discovered that my soon to be ex wife not only decided to dump me, but that she managed to start up a new relationship immediately. Am I wrong for thinking that a slight pause after ending an 18+ year relationship is not unreasonable? I don't expect her to sit around pining away for me, but it would be nice if there was at least a pause before diving into a new relationship.

I am now going to be petty as fuck for a few minutes. 

First and foremost, while I am not a paragon of male perfection, I am more than a little annoyed at the guy I was replaced with. I am not impressed appearance-wise. I don't know, maybe he has a really good game or has a big dick or something. But I am hurt to have been tossed aside for some doughy looking white guy. 

While I didn't specifically wish the guy any ill will (hell, I didn't know he existed until today) I am taking a certain amount of evil glee in the fact that he died so soon after the start of the relationship. Not gonna lie, the petty fucker inside me is laughing like a total goon. 

Now if only I could get his goddamned housing situation sorted out. It would make me feel a whole lot better to get the fuck out of this house and away from this woman.

Welp. That's that.

 Well, got asked to get ready to file for divorce in a couple of months. Gonna be fun finding a new place to live and extracting my financial life out of this marriage. At least I can go back to being the quiet hermit I used to be. I will only have my own neuroses to deal with instead of a household's.

I really don't know what to do here

OK, so my wife insists that we are not done, but I am not getting that feeling from my actual life. I will be managing the household for six months starting at the end of September, but I think I will also be setting up my independent life during that time. We shall see what happens after that 6 months. I don't really think it will result in me having a happy home life.

Yup. It's done

 My wife comes back from a two week road trip and the dog gets 5 minutes of hugs and kisses and I barely get 10 words. Guess I need to seriously start looking for a new place to live.

Shit.

My life is shit

 Lemme see. I think my kidney is failing. Again. I have no idea if I am still going to have a marraige for much longer. I am having vision problems again.I am losing so much focus on my job, I am not sure I will have that much longer. I'm not sure I have any close friends left. That one is mostly my fault, but it is an issue. One of my kids I am pretty sure hates me. My Mom died a few months ago and I still cant deal with it. Hell, I can't even seem to take any joy in reading of video games. How fucked is that?

I'm not sure how much worse my life can get without it totally imploding. I'm stuck in this weird position of trying to figure out what significant portion of my life is going to implode first and then figuring out if it is  the thing that drives me over the edge. 

I hate this shit.

God Damn You, George H. W. Bush!

Every time I hear Clarence Thomas say something relating to a SCOTUS decision, I hate him a little more. The guy makes me embarrassed to be black! While I know there is no monolithic "Black Vote," Clarence Thomas seems to operate in a universe that makes absolutely no sense.

Why, oh why can he not suffer a massive heart attack sometime soon so that we can be rid of his insane stupidity and his ability to use that stupidity to undermine my country again and again?

Funny how things work

Not that it matters at this point, but my last post about my job? Proved to be quite prophetic. Within a few days of that post I might add.

Things that suck...

My Job. For as long as I have it. Which, I might add, could be a negative number.

Google+

I'm giving Google+ a try. We'll see if it eliminates some of the annoyances of Facebook.